ABOUT YOUR SELF
in the mission here in Tagaytay is really a great privilege,
for here I have learned something very important in life.
As a child raise in a fastidious and impassive family, sadly
I carried my erroneous and painful perception into adulthood.
And when weve experienced neglected or unloved we
usually struggle as adults with a sense that there is something
terribly even uniquely wrong with us. We may even think
that we are flawed in a way other never could be. We even
think that we are less worthy than others.
experiences worked together to create in me a sense that
no matter what I did it wasnt good enough. That no
matter how hard I work I should try harder. I really believed
that I was supposed to be perfect person.
It is so painful living with this knowledge about you. You
feel like youre a big disappointment to the people
around you. Thats exactly how I felt flawed.
So what now. I realize that portraying who I am was not
safe and so I worked very hard to find out who others wanted
me to be. And then I did everything I could to please them.
I tried to perform as perfectly as possible in order to
gain their approval because I have this idea that if I gain
enough approval it would feel like love. Of course it doesnt
work that way. But I thought if I accumulated a lot of approval
it would magically turn into love, which would satisfy those
deep longings in my heart.
what I have understood, God allows this deep longings be
felt by an individual, so that we can be drawn nearer to
Him; and that desire is a part of us, part of our soul as
women; and not something to be despised. In fact it is something
to be respect.